Back in about February of 2022, my menstrual bleeding began to be unmanageable. It has always been really bad, but this was at a scary level. I remember telling the doctor that it was at the point that it was either me or it. One of us couldn’t continue. I began to seriously consider having a procedure called a uterine ablation. I had considered one in the past,but it had not seemed like the right time, but we had our Anna now, I was over 40, and Barry a good deal older. I did know that after working for so many years to bring babies into this world, and having more than my fair share of heartache and tragedy, that having an ablation procedure was not a decision to be made lightly. I desperately wanted to do the right thing, make the right decision, that was best for me, my family and aligned with God’s will. So Barry and I prayed and we prayed. Getting no distinguishable answer. I wanted to act in faith so I set up an appointment with the doctor to discuss what I would need to do to have the procedure.
I went to the temple and prayed some more and was in the very act of pleading God to know his will for me and giving Him all my reasons for why I thought the time had come for us to go ahead with this step. I was telling Him that we were too old, and it was too late and my body was done…. Unless it was his will. Then the most curious thing happened to me. I attend the temple weekly with Barry and I have attended the temple since we were married almost 20 years ago, but what happened that day had never happened to me before.
Two things of note, the session was unusually full for a change, and when the officiator walked in, I immediately recognized him as our old stake president. Also to note, a father of 8 daughters, which he and his wife had had a bit later in their lives. The session began, the lights out, the video started, and I was still in the midst of my prayer, really desperately needing an answer. Six minutes into the session a man cracks open the door into the darkened room and walks into the session. The lights are turned on. He has somewhat of an apologetic look on his face, but that is all, he doesn’t say anything, just finds his chair and sits down. At this point my mind is reeling! What in the world? It was waaay too late to come into the session, we had already started, moved on, I had never even heard of that happening before, frankly I thought the doors were locked once the session began and it was impossible to enter. The officiator with a little sigh started the session over and things resumed. It was THEN that it hit me, this was the answer to my prayer. It was not to have an ablation, but I was to have another child and it would be a boy. I will admit I was quite shocked and I was crying a bit and not really even focusing on the session, when the door cracked open again, but this time on the women’s side of the room. The lights were flicked on, and a woman walked in peacefully and took her spot. This was more than a little bizarre at this moment to me. That this really rare occurrence would happen twice in one session was blowing my mind. The session resumed, the light darkened, and realization hit me hard! I wasn’t meant to have just one more child, but TWO. I started bawling my eyes out right then and there, at some point I looked up and I saw a darkened profile of a man and a woman holding hands and I thought, that is it! That is how it will be. A boy and a little girl. Now I do not know if the rest was inspiration or just plain desperation on my part, but I asked God, pleaded with him, if I was really meant to have two more children, please please could I have Twins??? Twins don’t run in my family at all, and I knew even to get pregnant at all at my age I would need divine intervention, but that was the prayer in my heart. I also didn’t know if the image I pictured in my mind could have been our Anna and a younger brother, not twins. When the session was over and Barry and I sat in the Celestial room, I just bawled and bawled. He has no idea what I was crying about, but he kindly held my hand and gave it some pats. Later, that evening when we were driving home, we talked about the bizarre occurrences in the session with the two individuals coming in so very late. I told him my impressions and he immediately agreed.
Once again, I was shocked, and told him he would need to get his own confirmation for us to be able to proceed with this huge step, and he explained that he had been praying as well, and the only impression he received was to trust whatever impression I received. I started bawling again and second guessing myself, I was sure about the one child, but maybe Two?? I am still not sure of that, but I wanted to write down what I felt. I know I can create things in my mind.
Within a couple days I went to my planned appointment, had to eat some crow and explain to the doctor I didn’t actually want an ablation after all, but would like some help in getting my bleeding under control so I could have a future pregnancy… (gulp) or two. He looked a bit stunned, but chuckled and said ok, let’s run some tests. We did find out my thyroid levels were way out of whack. We tried for many months and were unable to conceive, even though no major issues were found medically. I had asked Barry to keep praying to receive some confirmation that we were on the right path and that his wife just hadn’t been on a visit to Crazy Town. After about 5 months of trying and no results, Barry and I were in the Celestial Room at the temple once again, and I was praying and pleading with the Lord for some reassurance. I could feel my faith wavering and I needed some help. I even asked God if it would be possible, please just have Barry have another dream, like he did when we needed to have Anna.
We didn’t speak much in the Celestial Room, but on our way home we were talking and I made a little joke to Barry that this time would be so much easier if he just had a dream like last night. He turned and looked at me and said, I did have a dream! Last night! I just remembered it! In my dream Anna came to me and told me she had a little brother in Heaven and what his name was. He remembered it started with an A, but couldn’t remember what she had said. I could have hit the roof of the car! I was so surprised, not only did I receive a direct answer to my prayer in the temple, but it was so very quick! I felt so much joy and peace at that moment. I felt the love of my Heavenly Father and his desire to relieve some of my worry. I was still unclear if there would be a boy AND a girl, but at this point I was CERTAIN there would be another boy for our family.
Getting him here required me to let go of my fears. I know the stats, I know that bringing a child into the world, this late in life, especially a boy, the odds are against him. I prayed and prayed for strength every day. I pray that I can be a good mother to another child at what physical and mental captivity he may have. I pray that if I am supposed to have Twins, that I may miraculously conceive them, or be led in the direction in which that can come to pass. I pray for the best for myself, my marriage, my family, any future children, and our relationship with God. I am not comfortable with sharing all of our journey, but finally this month we found out we were pregnant, once again. I have no idea what God’s plan looks like for me, but I am trying my hardest to align my will with His and move forward with faith!
Birth Story of Alexander Joseph Pate
Part 2
When I found out I was pregnant with Alex, I made some promises to God, that If I could have a healthy pregnancy and Baby, I would try my hardest not to complain about whatever came my way. We had to take action pretty fast. I have a blood clotting disease that makes me lose my pregnancies. I called my doctor but they didn’t have any appointments for 2 months, I scheduled the appointment, but didn’t feel good about waiting that long. I was fretting, when I was inspired with the idea to send my doctor a message on our Mychart App. I explained the situation and his nurse called me almost immediately and set up an appointment. I had an ultrasound to confirm my pregnancy and was prescribed the much needed injections to be picked up the same day. I was so grateful. Over the first few months of pregnancy, I experienced quite a bit of morning sickness. It wasn’t as bad as most of my pregnancies, but I was pretty ill. Especially on Thanksgiving. Since we weren’t telling people yet, I just had to bit my lip and vomit my turkey in secret. It will be a long time before I can eat smoked turkey again. My biggest challenge started with my pelvis, dislocating or separating quite early on in my pregnancy, maybe about 8 weeks. It made everything more difficult and painful. My walks that have been my daily solace were pretty much taken away from me. This was HARD. It was also hard to be an older pregnant woman, who already had several children. I felt judged, and was subject to some hurtful comments and rude stares. Because of this, I didn’t announce my pregnancy to my friends. Most of them caught on in the end, Some just weeks before Alex was born. I knew what I was doing was the right thing to do, but it is VERY hard to be OLD and to be pregnant. It is filled with anxiety, uncertainty and pain. I was perfectly satisfied with my current family and hadn’t experienced that baby hungry feeling that many women have. Yet, in my heart I knew that there was a little soul that wanted to join our family, this little soul may be severely handicapped, he may not live, this pregnancy may alter my physical well being for the rest of my life, but still I knew it was what I was supposed to do AND that it was important to Anna that we have him.
Because I am old, we were able to do some genetic testing pretty early on in my pregnancy. IT was confirmed that I was indeed having a boy and he had no genetic abnormalities. This was a HUGE weight being lifted off my shoulders. I know trials make us stronger, but I was praying with all my heart if possible not to have THAT trial.
About 6 weeks before Alex was born, it became apparent that with his due date being July 18 or 20. That we would most likely be starting our new insurance year on July 1st right before he would be born. Now babies are priceless, and I definitely wanted the best for our baby, but it hurt to think about the additional 8,000 dollars we would have to pay just because he was born in July. I tend to have my babies a few weeks early, so I knew that there was a chance we could have him before July 1st, but I felt more than a little guilty praying for that. I prayed that if he was ready to come, PLEASE send him at the best possible time, on June 29th, so he could spend one day in the hospital and we could both be home before July 1st, but also so he could be as old as he could possibly be before the 1st.
As the end of June approached, things got even more complicated, with Barry needing to spend a few days in Washington DC on week 36 and then the week I hoped to deliver, being invited to a job interview down in Texas. Thankfully, after some prayer we felt ok about turning that opportunity down. Phew! My older three kids were scheduled to attend girls and boy’s camp June 26-29th. I didn’t want the kids to miss camp, but I did feel bad about the possibility of me having the baby while they were gone. I also wondered how I would manage the younger kids if all my babysitters were gone when I went into labor. I usually don’t have much warning, and my labors are pretty quick. I arranged for a neighbor to come over if I went into labor in the middle of the night. I was still feeling anxious though. We are in the middle of an addition remodel, and our house is pure chaos and not to mention a huge mess.
Despite the mess and chaos, My parents saved the day by coming up and visiting while my older kids were at camp, and it was a very good thing. On Thursday morning, June 29th, right at 37 weeks, I went to my doctor's appointment and the doctor agreed that the baby was ready. I would most likely go into labor very soon. I asked him to advance my labor by sweeping my membranes. I was a little surprised he agreed. I prayed that if the baby was ready that would give him a go light and if not, he could just stay where he was and keep cooking for as long as he needed. I went home and took a nap and went on a very short walk to the mailbox to see if that would start anything. I had 3 contractions that were a bit intense, so I waddled back home and sat down for dinner. During dinner, I had two more contractions, 7 mins apart. (You are supposed to wait for 5 mins apart for about an hours worth of contractions before you head to the hospital) Feeling some hope that the baby may actually come that evening, I took a few more bites of food and wham O! Giant contraction! I left the table to go and find some pants and my shoes. I told Barry we needed to get closer to the hospital in case these contractions continued in the same manner. I had another big contraction getting my shoes on and told Barry to hurry. I kissed the kids goodbye and was very grateful my parents were there and we could just leave. We drove to the hospital, having no contractions on the way and feeling a bit silly. We drove around to the front of the hospital and discussed what we should do. I thought maybe I would get out and walk a bit. Haha! Then Wham O! Another very big painful contraction. I changed my mind and asked Barry to drive around and drop me off at the Emergency Room. He didn’t want to, so I told him we needed to hurry. We got through security and to the elevators before I had another one, up to the third floor and into the labor and delivery section and another contraction hit. They were very busy that night and confused us with another couple, but we were able to get into a room. We had a great nurse, who later got switched for another great nurse. My contractions got even more painful and closer together as I waited to get an epidural. I practiced my breathing techniques while Barry held my hand. My contractions were about 2 mins apart when the hospital was finally able to get my labs back and clear me to have an epidural. The anesthesiologist who came in, happened to be in our stake, and was very kind and gentle. I felt like I was listening to a conference talk as he explained the possible risks and complications of getting an epidural. I was in so much pain I had no problem risking it at that point. IN the midst of the active labor they also did a depression screening, I thought that was most bizarre. The questions were almost hilarious to answer at the time. Yes! I have experienced feelings of anxiousness! Yes, I had considered what I would be like to die in the last week…. Yes! I had felt like harming myself or another person….Goodness gracious!
My epidural was full blown and I felt absolutely nothing once it set in. The doctor who had missed delivering James, Lauren and Nicholas, was on call that night. This made me anxious for sure, but there was the hope that he wished to redeem himself. There were several other women in labor and at least two C-sections. Once I received the epidural my labor slowed down to almost nothing. The doctor almost committed to do another C-section before coming in to break and water and check. But he decided he better check first and it is a good thing he did. Baby was ready to come. My water was broken and the doctor figured I would deliver within 15 mins. I was very grateful for this, because i Had been watching the clock and we were now in the 11th hour on the 29th. Cutting it pretty close. At 11:26 I was asked to start pushing and after just two pushes little Alex was born. I got to hold him immediately. He wasn’t whisked away and bathed and weighed. I just got to hold him. That time was very precious to me. He cried and cried for about 15 mins. Great for his lungs, but a little hard on my heart. He was born with beautiful peach fuzz all over his face and arms. And rather blonde hair and lashes and eyebrows. He didn’t feel much like opening his eyes for the first few minutes and was very sleepy for the first couple of days, but ever so sweet. That night as I was holding him, teaching him how to nurse. I received the distinct impression, that he was given a choice whether to come that evening, or wait a few days/week, and that he had chosen to come, even though he wasn’t quite ready and things would be harder on him for a week or two, but things would be easier for ME. Oh my goodness, that just melted my heart. I promised to help him through his hard time and was more than humbled by the sweet sacrifice was willing to make for me. So even though Alex is a bit colicky and has cried his fair share since he was born, his crying doesn’t bother me like some of my other children, it is okay that I am dead tired and I only lost 10 pounds giving birth. I feel so much peace that everything will be ok, that this sweet little soul wanted desperately to come to earth and receive a body and be part of MY family. That he IS part of our family and always has been. That he wanted ME to be his Mom ..a deeply flawed individual, who is trying, but that has never been anyone’s first choice ever for anything…
I already love you more than words can express Alexander Joseph. Thank you for persisting, for not giving up on us. I am so thankful you are finally here safe and sound.
