This afternoon I just sat in the bathtub and cried.
I cried tears of exhaustion and pain and worry and more exhaustion.
But as I sat there I realized that just wasn't the case. I have asked so much of it over the years and I have so very much to be grateful for, and I AM grateful and I will work on being MORE grateful.
Grateful for the Miracle growing inside me.
Grateful for my strong legs and arms and hands and feet.
Grateful for a healthy mind.
It's okay to slow down, to take a nap, to take a breather, to meditate, to do nothing....sometimes your soul needs to do nothing.
As I sat there, instead of focusing on all the things I didn't do, I did a mental inventory of what I had done today... at first all I could remember is that I had made Barry an apple pie, but as I sat there more and more things came to my mind. Little things I did or accomplished, that I just took for granted. So many things that many people would be grateful to be able to do for themselves or for others.
I have things very good.
I have been extremely blessed.
My day's inventory:
Woke up.
Got dressed. (this is a big deal when you a pregnant. :P
Straightened the house. Did a load of laundry
Submitted school reimbursements for the last 6 months.
Walked 5 miles with a friend
Removed sheets from bed. Started another load of laundry
Made breakfast. Ate breakfast.
Took my horrible shot (this is getting harder every day as my tummy grows and the skin gets tighter and tighter)
Straighten house some more
loaded the dishwasher, did the dishes.
Helped 3 kids complete and turn in 12 assignments to their online program. Due today. :P
Paid tithing. Made a monthly budget.
Made a shopping list.
Texted Barry some of the grocery list.
fixed my hair
Drove to the store to buy potatoes. This is when I felt discouraged. You see, I have potatoes growing in my garden just outside my house. But I would have to dig them up, and put them out of the ground and carry them to the house and wash them.. and they would probably be small and very dirty. So I drove to the store and bought some... and a box of Pop Tarts.... to give to the kids who helped me wash them and put them in the oven. They were 79 cents a pound our at little over-priced grocery store. I was ashamed to spend the money and to be so lazy, but my body hurts and is so very tired and you know what... IT IS OKAY. IT's okay to make concessions and spend more than you should sometimes and buy things like Pop Tarts to bribe your kids with. IT's OKAY.
Put new sheets on bed.
unloaded the dishwasher
Took Ellie to the Homecoming parade.
got the mail
Baked a loaf of bread
Made an apple pie with the kids.
Let the kids make pie crust cookies
Cleaned up the kitchen.
Helped a friend who was lost in an orchard.
Got the potatoes in the oven.
Sat in the bathtub and cried.
