Squash Day

Today is a Squash day. The smell of Squash cooking in the oven reminds of home. It takes me back to my childhood, of Saturdays of working hard, Saturday night baths, of crisp cool fall evenings, warm food, and my family.

Today, I want it back. I want to be a child again, I want to give my cares, fears and worries away .......and just live. Today, I want someone to cook MY dinner, wash my clothes and clean up my messes, I want someone to hold me, to love me, and to tell me everything will be alright.

I'm feeling tense, I'm feeling stressed, can you tell?
3 kids, how can I have three kids? My neighbor says when you have three kids, that's when you lose all control. I can't help thinking about THAT, but most of all I can't help worrying about my Jamesers.

My Sweet James, so full of love and life with his dark gentle eyes, and mischievous grin. He has softened a part of my hard-heart that not Barry, nor even Ellie was able to reach.
I don't want James to feel displaced by a new baby, even for a moment, I don't want him to feel less loved or less special, even for a moment.
Ellie is excited, but I feel like James is going to be broadsided by this.... and I don't know what to do.

All I can do is pray, pray he'll understand.

But James, when you CAN understand, I want you to know, that I'm having another baby so soon for YOU! BECAUSE YOU are so special, so important, so loved. So you can have a playmate, a comrade, a friend, someone close to your age. So you won't have to be lonely like Ellie was for so long before you came along.

We love you James, you have brought so much love to our little family.

Ellie we love you, and we are so excited for you to have a little sister to mother and love and play with.

and Baby Pate, we are so excited to meet you and hold you in our arms and welcome you into our little family.

Tonight we'll be having squash for dinner, homemade wheat bread, and hot oatmeal cookies. (Talk about comfort food)

Need a little comfort??

Come join us.