Nutcracker 31

A kind friend, gave us 2 tickets to the Nutcracker. I wasn't up to it, so Barry asked Ellie on a date.
She was super excited to go. She had a fun time, but went to straight to bed when she came home, and I mean "straight to bed." ...Walked in the door...up the stairs, got into bed, and was fast asleep before I could even open my mouth to ask her if she liked it. Ballet is tiring
 stuff, I guess.

Scary picture, I know. That's what a week of crying does to you and only mascara for makeup. (ACK!)
..but the focus of the picture is the delicious, decadent, white chocolate black raspberry cheesecake my friend made for my 31st birthday. It was the best thing I've ever eaten. Sooooooo yummmy!!

The cute Monson family came to see me on my birthday as well. I haven't seen my friend DaNette since highschool. So 12 years and 8 kids later(3 for me, 5 for her), it was quite a meeting. Thanks DaNette!
Sorry I didn't even offer you a piece of cheesecake, I wasn't intentionally hoarding it, ..possibly unintentionally, but definitely not intentionally. ;)

Nicholas James

This is an excerpt from my journal. It is not edited well, it is of a very personal nature and may be distressing to some.There is one fuzzy picture. So this post may not be for everyone, but I wanted to include it in my blog.

I was very happy to discover I was pregnant again, in August of 2012. This pregnancy was rough. From the very beginning I was extremely sick, and unable to do more than get out of bed for 5 ½ weeks, but I dreamed clearly of a little boy, with dark eyes, his name was Nicholas. 

The doctor was actually pleased with how sick I was, and told me that the sickness was a positive sign. At  around 10 weeks, I was able to hear our dear baby’s heartbeat and a had a quick ultrasound to make sure all was well.  I was anxious to go to each of my appointments to hear the baby’s heartbeat and reassure myself that the baby was okay.

I was very excited when I was finally able to schedule my ultrasound to find out the gender of the baby. I had told Barry, if we have a boy, we will name him Nicholas, (no ifs ands or buts about it :) and if we have a girl, we could discuss her name. He wasn’t sure if he agreed, but also didn’t argue with me.

When I went in to schedule my ultrasound. I requested the ultrasound be on my birthday,(Dec 4^th) since I knew I would be 19 weeks. Yet, on a second thought, I asked the receptionist if I could schedule it earlier, I fully expected to be told no. For I knew that wasn’t what the doctor wanted …but I was anxious to see my baby. The receptionist didn’t even blink, she said I could schedule it for that Tuesday (Nov 27^th) if I wanted  (even though the note I had just given her from the Doctor said to wait at least another week.) I smiled, and said “that would be great!”

Barry and the kids came with me to my appointment. The ultrasound tech, wondered out-loud, no less than 10 times, why I had been scheduled for an ultrasound a week early. I just smiled at her and didn’t say anything. Our baby was perfect in every way. He was quick to show us he was a boy, and I started crying I was soo happy. James was very excited for “a little brudder.” Ellie was just happy we were happy. The ultrasound tech was amazed at how clear the image was, and that she was able to make all the measurements she needed so easily. He was wiggling all around and waving his arms. Before we left, the tech took a few pictures of our little boy. James even recognized that his little brother was trying to communicate. “He said, look Mom, he’s giving us a thumbs up.”, and sure enough, he was.  

We were so very happy to be having a little boy, but something was not sitting right in my heart. I hesitated to share my fears with Barry, because a pregnancy loss after 12 weeks is so rare.  I even looked it up, less than half a percent. 

Unfortunately only three days later on November 30th( 18 weeks), at 6 am I woke up, laying peacefully in bed, and my water broke. I ran to the bathroom crying and called to Barry, who was just leaving for work. I told him what happened, and all he said was “but Jill, it’s too early he can’t survive.” “I know,” I said.  We frantically called a neighbor, whose name just popped into my head. She agreed to come. As soon as she arrived, we jumped in the car and drove to the hospital. I called them on the way to let them know we were coming. We went into the ER, and they were very kind to us. They made sure I was comfortable and brought out the Doppler machine, which monitors baby’s heartbeat. I wanted to scream at the lady not to put it on my stomach, but she did, and immediately found our baby’s heartbeat. She said “Your baby’s heartbeat is fine and he is alive right now.” The Dr called and said he was on his way and ordered me to have an ultrasound. Explaining that the water loss could just possibly be a discharge from the uterus. I was horrified, I didn’t want to see an ultrasound. They wheeled me into the ultrasound room, and the ultrasound tech, immediately began measuring our little boy’s arms, and legs, and pointing out where his organs were. She put the heartbeat on the speaker so we could hear it. I looked up at my little baby on the screen and I knew that something was very wrong. He was curled up in a ball and had his head tucked down in his chest. I knew at that moment he was dying. I closed my eyes and started crying uncontrollably. Barry took my hand and we cried together.  I tried to ask the ultrasound tech questions, but she would just respond, that it was up to the doctor to look at the pictures and decide. When the Dr. walked in, he said “I was hoping that the decision wouldn’t be in a grey area, and that it would be black and white, and THIS decision is black and white.”  The decision was very black as he proceeded to explain that to prevent fatal infection for me, our baby would need to be delivered that day, and would most likely not survive the labor, and was too premature to be saved if he was in fact born alive.  

 At that moment I entered an alternate reality (I’m sure due to shock). They wheeled me back to the emergency room, while they prepared things in Labor and Delivery. It was then, through my tears, I asked Barry if we could give our boy a name …knowing in my heart that I couldn’t name him anything other than Nicholas.  Barry took my hand and said, “He already has a name.” 

It was there in the delivery room, that Barry gave me a beautiful Priesthood Blessing, I had asked him to bless our Nicholas that he would not have to suffer, and would pass from this earth quickly. When Barry gave me the blessing, I knew the words that he was saying were not his own.  He blessed me to know that nothing I had done had caused this to happen. He blessed me to know that Nicholas and Heavenly Father were aware of me, and they knew that this was going to happen, and for me to know that he(Nicholas) had chosen this. That he had come to this earth to get a body, but that he needed to return home now. He blessed Nicholas to pass from this earth quickly and not to suffer. He blessed me to know that even though our dear little boy couldn’t be with us now, that he would be mine again someday.

I knew, and know that what he was saying was true and that those words were from my Heavenly Father. An overwhelming spirit of comfort descended upon the room and stayed with us, and I spent the next few quiet moments quietly saying goodbye to our little boy.  We were comforted to remember seeing our little boy through the ultrasound waving to us just a few days earlier and giving us a thumbs up sign, ...knowing now that he had chosen this path and was telling us goodbye.

After inducing my labor, Nicholas James Pate was born later that day. He was tiny, and dark red, but perfect in every way. His eyes were closed and he looked completely at peace, though his body was bruised from a rough delivery. He had big feet like his older brother and a very similar frame. Tiny hands with long fingers. He had a little cleft in his chin, and broad shoulders like his Daddy. His little profile looked amazingly like James.  We had decided to name him Nicholas Barry, but after seeing him, we knew he was Nicholas James. We took some pictures and held him for a long time, even though we knew that he had left this earth earlier on, and wasn’t in his little body anymore. 

After recovering a bit from surgery, we returned home. I prayed that Nicholas' spirit would stay with us for a while so we would not have to go home without him. We were grateful to Grandma and Grandpa Pate who had driven up to be with the kids. 

It was hard to tell the kids about their brother. We told them, we named him Nicholas.  James got a frown and said, but I wanted you to name him James. We were happy to tell him we did. We named him Nicholas James. That made James very happy.

The next morning, James woke up to tell me he played with Nicholas James up in Heaven, and was sad when he had to leave. That they had had lots of fun together.

Ellie made me a beautiful card, on which she wrote the names of our family and drew Nicholas’ picture.

A few days later I was looking at some pictures of Nicholas that we had taken at the hospital. James came right over, and said, “That’s Nicholas James Pate.  He has died in that picture. I love him Mom.” He had no trouble recognizing his little brother, and that his sweet spirit was no longer in his little body and had already returned to Heaven.

                                     Nicholas James Pate 11/30/2012

Though our hearts are broken, we are so thankful little Nicholas came to our family ..even though he couldn't stay.  We know we will see him again, and are so very grateful for the peace and comfort the gospel brings.

Lend me your ear...please

 *I had been struggling with a bad ear infection for about three weeks. Unfortunately, two weeks ago Lauren woke up screaming in the night, I sat up in bed and opened my mouth to say something to her ....and CRACK! Searing pain in my ear, and fluid trickling out of my ear. Ack! it was blood. Since then, all I've heard is a rushing waterfall or the sound of symbols crashing together in my ear, ...a crash with every heart beat. I lay in bed and tap my toes to the "music" to try and fall asleep amidst the noise. Fortunately, and no doubt due to a heartfelt prayer, in the last two days my hearing has begun to improve, the crashing noises much reduced, and the painful pressure and dizziness dissipating.

Whew! I have high hopes my hearing with return and so do my kids, and every other person that's tried to talk to me in the last two weeks that's had to repeat themselves 5+ times.

Anyway..that's what I've been up to. Hopefully serving as an excuse for my increased orneriness, and not making the kids their Halloween costumes.

  James and Lauren fight, fight fight! So when I see things like this I can't help but take a picture.
pic above: James giving Lauren a tour of the kitchen on his beloved plasma car. (Look at Bigfoot, my boy is going to be tall, or just have very very good balance.)

The other day, James was pushing Lauren around the kitchen very fast and crazy on a play car, Lauren was squealing, in fear and fun . I formed a road block and grabbed the car. Leaning over James, I pointed my finger at his chest and said sternly. "James, I want you to go slow and careful." James just looks up at me and says. "WELL, I'm not pushing YOU Mom! ..Running off faster than before, with Lauren squealing with glee."




 

 James taking care of Lauren: She didn't even ask me to help. She wanted James. He helped her in the swing, and pushed her for a long time before I had to intervene.

"Do you want an underdog, Lauren???", he asks?

"Yeah!" says Lauren.

"Um no." says Mom.

 Ellie's first grade class on Halloween. Teacher Ms. Hepworth.

 Ellie in the school Halloween Parade

 Barry sewed the girl's Indian costumes.(*see my excuse above) We were so pleased and surprised that Ellie requested to be something other than a Fairy Princess, I told her I would buy her a costume. After looking around, Barry decided he could make a better one, and I think it turned out great!
 Oh course, little Lauren wanted to be an Indian like Ellie, so Barry salvaged the leftover material and made her one too. James didn't want to be an Indian, he wanted to be a scary dinosaur.

 I think Lauren's expressions in these photos are so funny.

Oh BABY

Someone in my family is FINALLY having a baby!!!!




Whohoooo!!!!





Believe me, this is BIG news.







To reward them, I made them this for their sweet little girl to come....

 Lucky.










...and now I'm going to make a huge pan of decadent orange sweet rolls just for ME. After all, I've had three babies, and I deserve something too. Don't ya think?

Best Bread Ever!!!

I thought you guys deserved a treat. No knead bread!

As many of you know, I am a bread lover.

This easy recipe(they say a 4 year-old can do it) happens to be the best bread I have ever made. It is more of an artisan bread, really crusty and chewy. (Like they have at the Macaroni Grill) So if you don't like that, you won't like this.

 OH and there is only 3 ingredients, what could be better??

Okay, now please don't get downhearted, it is an overnight thing ..but well worth the wait..

The Recipe
3 cups all-purpose or bread flour, more for dusting
(White flour is by far the best, you can use 1 cup wheat if you really want)
¼ teaspoon instant yeast
1¼ teaspoons salt
Cornmeal or wheat bran as needed.

1. In a large bowl combine flour, yeast and salt. Add 1 5/8 cups water, and stir until blended; dough will be shaggy and sticky. Cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let dough rest at least 12 hours, preferably about 18, at warm room temperature, about 70 degrees.
(I just mix up a batch before I go to bed.)

2. Dough is ready when its surface is dotted with bubbles. Lightly flour a work surface and place dough on it; sprinkle it with a little more flour and fold it over on itself once or twice. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let rest about 15 minutes.
(Mmm never done this step, probably would make it even better)

3. Using just enough flour to keep dough from sticking to work surface or to your fingers, gently and quickly shape dough into a ball. Generously coat a cotton towel (not terry cloth) with flour, wheat bran or cornmeal; put dough seam side down on towel and dust with more flour, bran or cornmeal. Cover with another cotton towel and let rise for about 2 hours. When it is ready, dough will be more than double in size and will not
 readily spring back when poked with a finger.
(So when I get up in the morning, I do this step, it does need to rise for about another 2 hours, but it's worth it.)

4. At least a half-hour before dough is ready, heat oven to 450 degrees. Put a 6- to 8-quart heavy covered pot (cast iron, enamel, Pyrex or ceramic, dutch oven) in oven as it heats. When dough is ready, carefully remove pot from oven. Slide your hand under towel and turn dough over into pot, seam side up; it may look like a mess, but that is O.K. Shake pan once or twice if dough is unevenly distributed; it will straighten out as it bakes. Cover with lid and bake 30 minutes, then remove lid and bake another 15 to 30 minutes, until loaf is beautifully browned. Cool on a rack.
(We use a small aluminum dutch over, works like a charm, and I only cook it another 10 minutes with the lid off)

(Rachel** this recipe is perfect for you, I hear your husband likes to cook with a dutch oven on the stove ...just have him put it in the oven instead, and you're all set!)

 Num, num, num!

Yield: One 1½-pound loaf.

The Post You've Been Waiting For.....

Due to the sudden influx of blog readership.... I feel I should use this post to make an important announcement.


..... to dispel any rumors that have been fluttering about ...well actually running rampant.

  yes, I cropped my bum out of the picture, it was just too ugly for words.
 (that's not part of the rumor ... I hope)


Okay, here you go:
 1. There is my tummy. Yes, I have had 3 kids and it certainly doesn't lie flat like it used to.
2.  Come September, October every year, I put on my annual extra winter weight of 5 pounds. It's extra "insulation" people. Keeps me warmer.
3. I get down-right cranky when the weather turns cold, and it's dark when I have to get up.

Note on #2. I have gotten a bit carried away this year.(um 7 lbs) I have been eating enormous amounts of pumpkin cookies, fried cheese on bread, rotisserie chickens, apple pies, chocolate chips straight out of the bag, etc. ...you know, the typical comfort foods ....to mourn the loss of summer.

Anyway...I think the result of that, in combination with #3 is probably the reason for the rumors.





 Alrighty?







 Okay I'm still sensing some doubt out there.  :(









Sooo just to make doubly doubly sure, nothing was going on.(Hey, these rumors have been getting to me too)
I went in for an ULTRASOUND  of my tummy..... (I know, I know, there just isn't anything I wouldn't do for my blog readers)




AND

....just as I suspected, it's ALWAYS better to chew the rotisserie chicken before you swallow it. I won't be making that mistake again. :)


 ..Whoa. This explains soo much..






Anyway. Sorry ladies, better guessing next time.









Disclaimers:
No, I have no idea of what that ultrasound is really a picture of, ...yes it could be a baby, and no it's not mine.
Yes, babies are carried in the uterus not the tummy, this I KNOW.

Goings On

 On Thursday, I went to my first parent teacher conference for Ellie's in FIRST grade.

Guess what???

She is super smart!!! Go figure huh? They are going to pull her out of class for "intervention." I guess, so she doesn't get too bored. She gets to read books and write essays on them for about 45 each day.

Highlights: Her teacher said she has beautiful penmanship, and Ellie really does. We worked hard on it before she went to kindergarten and our hard work really paid off.

On some of Ellie's school testing, she scored higher than any first grader or second grader that her teacher has EVER taught.

A few weeks back, Ellie's teacher's grandma died. She was really sad. Ellie came home and spent hours drawing pictures and putting together a book for her teacher to help her feel better. It meant a lot to her teacher.

Ellie came home with a dollar in her pocket, I asked her how she got it. She said a high-school boy on the bus gave it to her. (huh?!?) I asked her why, and she said, the older kids made a rule on the bus, that they can't use bad words around Ellie, and if they do, they have to give her something. Apparently, one of the kids said a bad word, and his friend made him "pay up". She is pretty happy about the dollar, and is looking forward to getting wealthy from the potty-mouths.

We celebrated Ellie's achievements with greasy chicken(rotisserie chicken) corn bread and baked potatoes. The next day Ellie had off of school, so we played ALL day. First she made strange pillow people.(pictured above) Notice her brandbe-new school shirt. (She bought that with some of her birthday money Grandma.) She is so excited to wear it on school spirit day.YEAH!
Next, Ellie and James found some string on the stairs and decided to make kites,(wouldn't you?) they colored, cut out and constructed for hours. I warned them several times in the process that you have to have WIND to fly a kite, and we were having a strangely calm day. They had no doubts.

WANTED!! THIS BROWN EYED RUFFIAN. REWARD OFFERED!


Our winter supply of wood, gathered in one day! Barry lifted those logs on the trailer. ...and he wonders why his back hurts.

 As soon as we went outside, a little wind started right up for my munchkins. They had no trouble flying their kites. They quickly gave up on the homemade ones, and resorted to the ones Grandma and Grandpa gave them.
Lauren's favorite thing to do was get the kite going real high and then let go off the string, laughing her head off as her foolish mommy scrambled across the yard after it. It only took me three times to realize the RAT was letting go on purpose!

 Barry and I went on a first-ever-trip-without-kids to Park City. These are the mugshots my parents took of the kids while we were gone. We certainly missed the kiddos. We hiked around, got a bit lost looking for the Huber Homestead. we drove through the beautiful Guardsman pass. We went to a fun restaurant and visited the outlet malls, where I was able to find an awesome deal on a down coat. We stayed in  a nice studio suit, and got a chance to listen to conference uninterrupted. Overall we made some great memories and it was nice to spend some one on one time with my hubby of almost 9 years! Whoa ho!

I think the brown-eyed ruffian needs a nap, but is still very cute, and strangely loves wearing other people's hats.

Brigham City Temple

We took the Ellie down to the Brigham City temple open house for her 7th birthday. September 7, 2012.

The temple was absolutely beautiful, it was perfect in every way. I feel like it is MY temple, because I always dreamed of having a temple in Brigham, but I never thought in a million years that it would happen.

I am so excited to go back. I hope it was a day Ellie will never forgot! 

Some kind residents of Brigham City(Grandma and Grandpa Stuart) came with us to make the day even more special.

I have a lot better pictures of the whole family and stuff, that I took with my dad's camera. Unfortunately, he emailed them to me, and somehow I must have deleted the email. For the record though, Barry and I were there as well. It was a very special day at a very special place.

City of Rocks

 Sorry these are in no particular order. We took the family camping to City of Rocks this summer. It is one of my favorite places. I love rocks, so that helps a lot. We had soo much fun camping, we invited Barry's brother's family to come camping with us there the next weekend. So instead of going to the fair for Ellie's birthday this year, she got to go camping with her favorite cousins. We got poured on the first night. Sleeping in the car with 3 kids was quite an adventure as well. Alas, the kids had a lot of fun and want to go back. Oh and my sister in law brought all this tasty food for me(everyone) to eat, so that was great too. YUM and FUN.

 The views are incredible, I can't helping thinking about the mythical greek gods and how well they would fit in at this amazing place.

 Just so you know, my kids aren't the only ones that make awkward faces for photographs.

Ellie's First Day of First Grade

 First day of First Grade 2012 (ellie showing off her new permanent teeth)

 First Day outside of school 2012

 Ellie's first day of school manicure, she picked it all out.

 For Ellie's Birthday we changed things up a bit this year. We invited Barry's brother's family to go camping with us to City of Rocks(pictures to come) and on Ellie's birthday we went to the beautiful Brigham City temple open house with Grandma and Grandpa Stuart. It was so special and gorgeous. I will upload the rest of the pictures later. This one is waiting to leave at Grandma's house, the best picture of the 5 I took. ;)