Grateful

 I am so grateful for the peace the gospel brings.

Happy Birthday my Little Angel. You are forever in our hearts.

Nicholas James Pate 11/30/2012

.....It was there in the delivery room, that Barry gave me a beautiful Priesthood Blessing, I had asked him to bless our Nicholas that he would not have to suffer, and would pass from this earth quickly. When Barry gave me the blessing, I knew the words that he was saying were not his own.  He blessed me to know that nothing I had done had caused this to happen. He blessed me to know that Nicholas and Heavenly Father were aware of me, and they knew that this was going to happen, and for me to know that he(Nicholas) had chosen this. That he had come to this earth to get a body, but that he needed to return home now. He blessed Nicholas to pass from this earth quickly and not to suffer. He blessed me to know that even though our dear little boy couldn’t be with us now, that he would be mine again someday.

I knew, and know that what he was saying was true and that those words were from my Heavenly Father. An overwhelming spirit of comfort descended upon the room and stayed with us, and I spent the next few quiet moments quietly saying goodbye to our little boy.  We were comforted to remember seeing our little boy through the ultrasound waving to us just a few days earlier and giving us a thumbs up sign, ...knowing now that he had chosen this path and was telling us goodbye.

After inducing my labor, Nicholas James Pate was born later that day. He was tiny, and dark red, but perfect in every way. His eyes were closed and he looked completely at peace, though his body was bruised from a rough delivery. He had big feet like his older brother and a very similar frame. Tiny hands with long fingers. He had a little cleft in his chin, and broad shoulders like his Daddy. His little profile looked amazingly like James.  We had decided to name him Nicholas Barry, but after seeing him, we knew he was Nicholas James. We took some pictures and held him for a long time, even though we knew that he had left this earth earlier on, and wasn’t in his little body anymore. 

Though our hearts are broken, we are so thankful little Nicholas came to our family ..even though he couldn't stay.  We know we will see him again, and we are so very grateful for the peace and comfort the gospel brings.