My birthday, Christmas, Lauren's b-day, New Years! Ugh!
I have been feeling so very very rotten, but Barry brought home a new laptop for me to try blogging on, so I thought I better give it a whirl.... :)
A couple days ago, Emma was just following me around EVERYWHERE begging me for a cookie. She loves cookies more than just about anything. I was trying my best to ignore her request.
As I was attempting to straighten up the kitchen, she was following my back and forth in the small space, renewing her request every 5 secs. I was beginning to lose my patiences. I knew she was very tired, and believed her to have become fixated on a silly request in her tiredness.
Luckily, Lauren hoped off her bar stool and came right over to Emmy.
She leaned down and sweetly patted her on the shoulder and said.
"I'm sorry Emma, but cookies are extinct."
"Do you know what that means?" ...she asked Emma in a gentle voice.
Emma just looked at her, but remained quiet.
Lauren, while sadly shaking her head, said,
"It means that there aren't any, and nobody is ever going to make anymore."
Emma's lower lip trembled, and even Lauren looked like she was going to burst into tears as she hugged Emma.
It was just such a sad moment. IF you've ever been to my house, you know we always have cookies. Cookies I made yesterday, cookies in the freezer, cookies I'm currently making. I love to make cookies! They just always seemed to make life a little bit better.
I felt so defeated. I haven't cooked anything for weeks. I have spent most days propped up on the couch with a barf bowl and my head under a pillow. The nausea and heartburn in this pregnancy has been truly overwhelming. Food has been my enemy! The kids have just been eating tortillas for most meals or maybe some granola or shredded wheat. There has been little to no complaining about their lack of food choices and the kids have showed maturity and compassion beyond their years in this trial. Helping me with every task, always looking for ways to help their sick Mom.
As I looked down at these sweet girls of mine comforting each other, something switched back on inside me. I could do this!
I swooped them up in my arms, gave them a hug. I told little Emma I was sorry and I would make her a cookie right now!
Lauren wide-eyed hopped off in a happy dance, I put Emma down for a nap on my bed, with her favorite blanket and Binky. She immediately laid down and closed her eyes. I went to check on her after a minute and she immediately sat up and held out her hand and asked, "Cookie?" I shook my head and said they weren't done yet, but I smiled at her encouragingly and told her, they were coming. :)
I went back in the kitchen, told a deep breath, put a clothespin on my nose and starting making cookies.
It was a surprising balm to my soul to make those cookies. A little bit of normal back in my life. As the smell of cookies baking began to fill the house, I could hear the kids in the other room talking excitedly. As soon as the timer rang, the children all ran into the room, including sweet Emma dragging her blanket behind her, fighting off sleep. The kids all grabbed hot cookies and sat at the table. I set Emma in her high-chair and gave her some milk and the biggest cookie. She keep saying over and over again with a big grin.
"Oh thank you Mom, oh thank you!" it was obvious she meant it. The other kids chorused their own thanks.
I leaned down and gave each of them a kiss on their cheek and said.
"No. Thank YOU children, thank YOU!"
Then I fled from the room...and returned back to the safety of my barf bowl and the couch. Though my stomach was churning, my spirits were incredible lifted. I can do this! I can do hard things! My family is the greatest blessing in my life, and I am so grateful for even the possibility of adding to my sweet little clan.
Because convincing my body to hold onto a pregnancy is always a great challenge, please, keep us in your prayers.
Thank you!
